The Truth Finally Comes Out!
The people of the United States of America are being fed the same old tired myths again. I have decided to expose these myths and give you my friends and loyal readers the real skinny.
Myth #1...Global Warming:
Global Warming is NOT a problem - we need Global Warming. Who wants another Ice Age? Why do hundreds of people move to Florida? Duh … because it's warm! How many people immigrate to the Arctic on a yearly basis? Just imagine a beautiful planet with continuous summer. Think of the money you'll save by no longer having the expense of winter clothes, antifreeze, heating bills or donations to Save the Polar Bear charities
Myth #2...Hybrid Cars:
Yup – the car of my dreams. A $40,000 car that can go a full 31 miles a day. But at least it’s ugly. And the major oil producers are very aware of this push and that's why they're reluctant to do any more offshore drilling. They have to put money aside now to buy digging equipment to unearth the coal necessary to feed these electric power plants.
Myth #3...Better Education:
Sure they want you to believe that we have to better educate our children to compete in this age of technology. Let me ask you - With an entire country full of highly trained and specialized technicians, who's gonna pick up the garbage?
Myth #4...Health Care for All:
What poppy-cock! Too many healthy people leads to overpopulation which leads to food shortages. Need I say more?
Important Announcement: I am also taking this chance to announce that I'm throwing my hat in the ring and declaring my candidacy for President of the United States of America. If we all write in, I can be your very next exalted Commander in Chief.
My campaign advisors insisted that I needed a special person as my running mate. Someone who would appeal to a broader base than I. So I looked for 'that special person' for my Vice Presidential pick. Someone even better than Sarah Pallin. Well I found him and you're gonna LOVE this very special person. Meet Sydney, the next VP of the U.S. (click on thumbnail to view photo full sized)
Newsletter
I'm also making this special, limited time offer to my constituency: Sign up now for my special monthly newsletter "103 Secrets the Government Doesn't Want You to Know" for only $5,000.00 a year and receive ABSOLUTELY FREE the following bonus publications:
#1...How to Never Pay Income Taxes Again.
#2...Things to Do in Prison for Failure to Pay Your Income Taxes.
#3...How to Have Bootleg Cigarettes and Drugs Delivered to Your Cell Every Visitors’ Day While in Any Prison.
Send your Western Union Money Orders Only to: “103 Secrets”
% Senor Juan Valdez, Warden, Chiriqui Detention David, Chiriqui, Panama
P.S. My plea bargain requires that I include the following caution: Do Not Include Items That Will Not Clear Customs.
BUT WAIT: Special Deal: To stimulate newsletter sales even further I'm offering absolutely free for a limited time only with every $5,000.00 order, my latest book "How to Turn Your Microwave Oven into a Nuclear Reactor". Clear, easy to read step by step instructions and fully illustrated in color.
Order within the next 24 hours and I'll also throw in the internet addresses of ten sites where you can buy mail-order Enriched Uranium. In addition, I'll even send you a coupon entitling you to a 25% discount with your first Uranium order.
Till Next Time. Pura Vida